.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
