whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
