oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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