Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she smelled like a LAN party
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
