What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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