Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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