Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize