It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
