The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We got so high we made milksteak
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
