it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We are all done wearing pants today
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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