I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
