Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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