so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
