can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize