She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(