i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.