I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.