That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?