Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
