I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
