i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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