we're chasing vodka with high fives
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
