fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
