her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
