wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
