I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
