Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
