I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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