FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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