I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
