Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
