Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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