im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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