Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
