How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
