wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
