the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
