last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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