Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
