Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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