I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
