how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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