dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
