No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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