you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
