we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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