Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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