the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
