just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
