i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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