I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize