i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
