my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
