i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
