im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
