I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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