dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you win again, gameday.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
