i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
