If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
