I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
