shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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