I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize