She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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