You really coming over, don't trick.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
