Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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