Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
