So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
