bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
