I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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