I am spending my child support on dildos
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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