"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
