i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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