I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
