Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
