u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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