do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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