somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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