member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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