At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
